[Noisebridge-discuss] Explosion at Noisebridge this morning?

[Aaron Muszalski]

Most Esteemed and Honorable Noisebridge Ancestors,

We are writing from the future to alert you to a possible
chronosynclastic shockwave which may reach you sometime in the next 13
- ψ hours (Sorry about the imprecision. The temporal calculus affinity
group hasn't been able to consent on a single value for the wave
function yet.) This shockwave - something of misnomer, really, as it
more accurately a boson ripple caused by the premature collapsing of a
series of temporal wave functions - may cause minor damage localized
around the spatial coordinates of the wave's point source, in this
case the original "83c workdesk". For it is upon this cherished
artifact that our TimeBridge will first be activated.

The TimeBridge - a QuantumAduino powered
chronosynclastic-infindibulator we purchased in kit form from Babbage
Fried (Limor's grandson) - was momentarily switched on during our
weekly meeting by an overzealous board member, who felt rather
strongly that the people in the TimeBridge's target era* should also
be included in the consensus process regarding the device's
activation. Needless to say, Intelligence Appelbaum has been
appropriately reprimanded for his actions, and has been denied use of
his vatbody (and all other physical manipulators and IO systems) for
one month.

Please use this advance warning to vacate NoiseBridge for the next 13
- ψ  hours. If this is not possible, we suggest that you at least keep
fire extinguishers on hand, and operate your individual computing
clouds on atmospheric nanopower only, rather than connected to the
main feeds. The Wikipedia corpus on boson ripples also mentions that
cell damage in vatbodies and other biological entities may be
minimized by increasing the amount of temporal buffer molecules in the
bloodstream, such as ethanol. The corpus goes on to suggest that this
can effectively be achieved by ingesting a substance referred to as
"beer". So, if you have any "beer" on hand, you may wish to drink it.

Our apologies for any disturbances this will have caused. Consensus
discussions surrounding any further activations of the TimeBridge have
been tabled until next week's meeting. If all goes well, hopefully we
will have met you all by now.

Most sincerely,

NoiseBridge ChronoSIG members



* Late 2008 - early 2009 - the historic period in which NoiseBridge
was founded, thus planting the seeds for the global hacker revolution
of the 2060's and the global anarchist utopia it brought about.