[Noisebridge-discuss] I have the facts

Tony Longshanks LeTigre anthonyletigre at gmail.com
Sat Jan 7 03:27:00 UTC 2012


On Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 10:03 AM, John Menerick <ponies at mayhemiclabs.com>
wrote:

> Indeed.  Even more die from improper mercury spill cleanups.
>

I see where you're going with this.
You're right, I shouldn't worry about falling into a rift caused by an
earthquake, because.....

More people are kidnapped by sasquatch and forced into lifelong slavery
each year than fall into rifts caused by an earthquake

More people are gored to death by rabid unicorns each year than "          "

More people are mauled and eaten by Teddy Bears each year "
"

More people die of embarrassment after Fatal Wardrobe Malfunctions each year

More people die because God Called Them Away And They're in Heaven Now with
Grandma and Grandpa and Jesus Watching Over Us each year

More people die and that's it, they're just dead: no God, no afterlife,
none of that religious gobbledygook each year

More people melt as a result of Global Warming - sorry, we meant Climate
Change - each year

More people explode and die of massive hemorrhaging after their ego grows
too large for their body to contain

More people are raped and dismembered by Ewoks each year

More people are bludgeoned to death with Marshmallows each year

More people are taken out back and shot as The Only Humane Way to End Their
Suffering each year

More people die from injuries after being mistaken for paparazzi and
violently attacked by Bjork each year

More people die of amazement after suddenly discovering The Missing Link
each year

More people die of exhaustion while trying to solve impossible algorithms
each year

More people die of despair while trying to disprove (or prove) evolution
each year

More people die of boredom while waiting in line to contest a bullshit
traffic infraction at the Hall of Justice

More people die of Old Age while waiting for Bank of America (WTF?) to
disburse their Unemployment Insurance money

More people nearly die of blood loss after having their penis cut off by
Lorena Bobbitt, but recover and eventually become porn stars each year

More people perish in Transporter Beam malfunctions each year

More people die after falling from Open-Source Software Platforms and
hitting their head on Proprietary Software each year

More people are hacked to death by Computer Security Experts each year

More people are crushed by falling stars each year

More people drown in their sorrows and are only identified when their
bloated corpse washes ashore five days later each year

More people die from injecting Maybelline Luscious Magenta liquid eyeliner
each year

More people are oppressed to death by the One Percent each year

More people are consumed by carnivorous plants each year

More people succumb to Godzilla's Radioactive Breath each year

More people perish beneath the wheels of Stephen Hawking's wheelchair each
year

More people are sent to the Electric Chair by Activist Judges each year

More people die of shock after winning the $54 Million Lottery each year

More people die for Reasons We Will Not Know Until We Receive the
Toxicology Report back from the Lab Next Week each year

More people die just because it's What Everyone Else is Doing and They Just
Want to Fit In each year

More people opt for death out of curiosity about Whether There's an
Afterlife each year

More people commit suicide because they believe in reincarnation and are
pretty sure the next round will be better each year

More people die after boarding an elevator and accidentally pressing the
Self-Destruct Button instead of Up, which is right next to it, each year
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