[Noisebridge-discuss] [drama] Addressing individuals

[Tony Longshanks LeTigre]

I understand your suggestion. In the case of "The Reverend Mik" and Dan
Chinaski, I intended to tell them both in person this morning that I
thought their violent behavior last night inhibited the workspace & made me
uncomfortable in the space, & that since I said that last night & they
disregarded or pretended not to hear it, I was going to take the next step
& post it to the Disgust list. This is the same thing that happened with
another individual (it's not a secret, but I'll refrain) a year or so ago
after I confronted him about some mega shitty behavior on his part in the
NB kitchen: not only did he not take responsibility or show any contrition,
he escalated things further, at which point my options were to engage in a
physical confrontation with him in the middle of the space, or bring it to
the community's attention. I chose the latter.

In the case of Daravinne, I intentionally broadcast personal info about her
as an attack because I know she's a very private person & would hate that.
I, on the other hand, hate having 3 years of work stolen from me, first by
police, then by her. We're talking about things I've worked on on a DAILY
basis for the last 3 years, which I have been unable to touch for the last
2 months. I knew I ran the risk of arrest, jail &c when I holed up in the
darkroom in the unused lab at UCSF Parnassus, but I didn't expect it from a
"friend," even one who had shown previous hints of her "true colors" in the
past. In other words, airing that sort of personal attack is not something
I would normally do, but you know the saying: all's fair. She promised to
let me get my files off that computer before she took it back. She broke
her promise, then failed to return the data to me after a reasonable period
of time. That's all there is to it as far as I'm concerned. But I will keep
my promise to J. & say no more about this, for now.

JCF, your suggestion is well-intended, but assuming your post was at least
partly inspired by my posts this morning, you are basically accusing me of
being a sissy when that's not really what's going on here. Pulling knives &
ripping off vast amounts of work & data from people isn't 3rd grade stuff.
I know a lot of us hackers have the social skills & emotional response
rates of a burnt-out toaster, but...try taking some of this seriously &
having some compassion, instead of attacking the messenger. I know for a
FACT I'm not the only one who has been bothered by both Mik AND Dan in the
space recently, but when it comes time to throw down, how many people say
what they really feel? And I'm the coward!

Really?

+11+

PS You could always set yr phone not to buzz every single time someone
posts to NB Disgust. Or get rid of yr phone entirely, like I have. They're
tracking devices, you know. That's why the government offers them FREE to
anyone!



On Wed, Apr 17, 2013 at 4:05 PM, Jeffrey Carl Faden <jeffreyatw at gmail.com>wrote:

> Just a suggestion when participating in group discussions in general: if
> you have advice or other input for an individual person who is part of a
> discussion - even if they initiated it - it might be a good idea to address
> them directly instead of CCing mailing lists.
>
> When you unnecessarily CC, it tends to further drag people through the mud
> and make it look like a community is ganging up against them.
>
> If you feel scared about addressing the person privately and individually
> about something specific, you might ask yourself why you thought it was a
> good idea to make your thoughts known to everyone.
>
> Also, it will stop my phone from vibrating out of this plane of existence.
>
> Jeffrey
> _______________________________________________
> Noisebridge-discuss mailing list
> Noisebridge-discuss at lists.noisebridge.net
> https://www.noisebridge.net/mailman/listinfo/noisebridge-discuss
>
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