[Noisebridge-discuss] [drama] Addressing individuals

[Jeffrey Carl Faden]

I actually wrote this toward people who had no say in your personal matter
and were calling it out on the discussion list anyway, but I left the
language general enough to refer to your callouts as well.

Most of us have no part in this conflict. Those who are involved would best
resolve it by meeting with a mediator and keeping accusations and
name-calling off the list. Those who are NOT involved would best keep their
thoughts private.

Jeffrey


On Wed, Apr 17, 2013 at 7:07 PM, Tony Longshanks LeTigre <
anthonyletigre at gmail.com> wrote:

> I understand your suggestion. In the case of "The Reverend Mik" and Dan
> Chinaski, I intended to tell them both in person this morning that I
> thought their violent behavior last night inhibited the workspace & made me
> uncomfortable in the space, & that since I said that last night & they
> disregarded or pretended not to hear it, I was going to take the next step
> & post it to the Disgust list. This is the same thing that happened with
> another individual (it's not a secret, but I'll refrain) a year or so ago
> after I confronted him about some mega shitty behavior on his part in the
> NB kitchen: not only did he not take responsibility or show any contrition,
> he escalated things further, at which point my options were to engage in a
> physical confrontation with him in the middle of the space, or bring it to
> the community's attention. I chose the latter.
>
> In the case of Daravinne, I intentionally broadcast personal info about
> her as an attack because I know she's a very private person & would hate
> that. I, on the other hand, hate having 3 years of work stolen from me,
> first by police, then by her. We're talking about things I've worked on on
> a DAILY basis for the last 3 years, which I have been unable to touch for
> the last 2 months. I knew I ran the risk of arrest, jail &c when I holed up
> in the darkroom in the unused lab at UCSF Parnassus, but I didn't expect it
> from a "friend," even one who had shown previous hints of her "true colors"
> in the past. In other words, airing that sort of personal attack is not
> something I would normally do, but you know the saying: all's fair. She
> promised to let me get my files off that computer before she took it back.
> She broke her promise, then failed to return the data to me after a
> reasonable period of time. That's all there is to it as far as I'm
> concerned. But I will keep my promise to J. & say no more about this, for
> now.
>
> JCF, your suggestion is well-intended, but assuming your post was at least
> partly inspired by my posts this morning, you are basically accusing me of
> being a sissy when that's not really what's going on here. Pulling knives &
> ripping off vast amounts of work & data from people isn't 3rd grade stuff.
> I know a lot of us hackers have the social skills & emotional response
> rates of a burnt-out toaster, but...try taking some of this seriously &
> having some compassion, instead of attacking the messenger. I know for a
> FACT I'm not the only one who has been bothered by both Mik AND Dan in the
> space recently, but when it comes time to throw down, how many people say
> what they really feel? And I'm the coward!
>
> Really?
>
> +11+
>
> PS You could always set yr phone not to buzz every single time someone
> posts to NB Disgust. Or get rid of yr phone entirely, like I have. They're
> tracking devices, you know. That's why the government offers them FREE to
> anyone!
>
>
>
> On Wed, Apr 17, 2013 at 4:05 PM, Jeffrey Carl Faden <jeffreyatw at gmail.com>wrote:
>
>> Just a suggestion when participating in group discussions in general: if
>> you have advice or other input for an individual person who is part of a
>> discussion - even if they initiated it - it might be a good idea to address
>> them directly instead of CCing mailing lists.
>>
>> When you unnecessarily CC, it tends to further drag people through the
>> mud and make it look like a community is ganging up against them.
>>
>> If you feel scared about addressing the person privately and individually
>> about something specific, you might ask yourself why you thought it was a
>> good idea to make your thoughts known to everyone.
>>
>> Also, it will stop my phone from vibrating out of this plane of existence.
>>
>> Jeffrey
>> _______________________________________________
>> Noisebridge-discuss mailing list
>> Noisebridge-discuss at lists.noisebridge.net
>> https://www.noisebridge.net/mailman/listinfo/noisebridge-discuss
>>
>
>
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