[Noisebridge-discuss] Gender & Technology followups from 5Mof

[maymay]

On Sep 30, 2009, at 11:09 PM, Sai Emrys wrote:

>> Honestly, I'm not sure. I have a history of being pained (in a Bad,  
>> not-fun
>> way) by a lot of people.
>
> That has the usual ironic correlation with your kinks. (And the usual
> 'so what / who really knows if it's causal' response of course, I
> presume.)

Yeah…that one got old a long time ago. :)

> On Wed, Sep 30, 2009 at 10:51 PM, maymay  
> <bitetheappleback at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> I actually almost never actually get angry. I'm pretty calm. (If  
>>> anything,
>>> I've been told I can be excessively, disturbingly calm in  
>>> situations where
>>> people expect me to be angry...)
>>
>> Like, "calm brilliance"?
>
> Not necessarily. That's not a state I manage to be in all the time;
> it's just what I aim for.
>
> More like simple placidity. I tend to defer my emotional reactions to
> things and analyze 'em first. And as I said, I just don't *get* angry
> in the first place, which helps (in situations where others get angry,
> I might get irritated, or hurt, or disappointed, or possibly even
> dissociative - but not angry).
> […]
>> Why is it that you almost never get angry?
>
> I don't know. I think I have a fundamental lack of certain kinds of
> reactions that normal people have. This is one I've always had, so I
> can't claim it's the result of any of my intentional self-hacking
> through meditation etc.
>
> I suspect it's a bit like the fact that I completely lack stereo
> vision (I have strabismus that was only partially corrected when I was
> young). I do have depth perception, but I've heard that there's
> something subtle that's there that I lack. For example, 3d glasses,
> "magic eye" books, etc completely fail to work on me. Try looking at
> something really close in the center of your field of vision with both
> eyes, then close and reopen one eye. See a difference? I've been told
> there's some sort of 'popping' when you use both eyes.
>
> (Stereo vision is not critical for depth perception - there are a
> dozen-odd cues for it, and stereo is not even the strongest.)
>
> So... I don't know that I'm even capable of describing what it is
> that's different in me. Perhaps I could, with enough understanding of
> the qualia of the process of why other people get angry. Dunno.
>
> - Sai

Interesting. Of course, it could be accurate for me to say something  
reciprocal, but clearly despite my best efforts so far, I don't know  
myself quite well enough. So I'm just back to "I'm working on it…."

But I do want to say I appreciate the honesty and openness with which  
you ask—and answer—questions.

Cheers,
-maymay