[Noisebridge-discuss] Gender & Technology followups from 5Mof

[Sai Emrys]

On Wed, Sep 30, 2009 at 10:51 PM, maymay <bitetheappleback at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I actually almost never actually get angry. I'm pretty calm. (If anything,
>> I've been told I can be excessively, disturbingly calm in situations where
>> people expect me to be angry...)
>
> Like, "calm brilliance"?

Not necessarily. That's not a state I manage to be in all the time;
it's just what I aim for.

More like simple placidity. I tend to defer my emotional reactions to
things and analyze 'em first. And as I said, I just don't *get* angry
in the first place, which helps (in situations where others get angry,
I might get irritated, or hurt, or disappointed, or possibly even
dissociative - but not angry).

> Honestly, I'm not sure. I have a history of being pained (in a Bad, not-fun
> way) by a lot of people.

That has the usual ironic correlation with your kinks. (And the usual
'so what / who really knows if it's causal' response of course, I
presume.)

> Why is it that you almost never get angry?

I don't know. I think I have a fundamental lack of certain kinds of
reactions that normal people have. This is one I've always had, so I
can't claim it's the result of any of my intentional self-hacking
through meditation etc.

I suspect it's a bit like the fact that I completely lack stereo
vision (I have strabismus that was only partially corrected when I was
young). I do have depth perception, but I've heard that there's
something subtle that's there that I lack. For example, 3d glasses,
"magic eye" books, etc completely fail to work on me. Try looking at
something really close in the center of your field of vision with both
eyes, then close and reopen one eye. See a difference? I've been told
there's some sort of 'popping' when you use both eyes.

(Stereo vision is not critical for depth perception - there are a
dozen-odd cues for it, and stereo is not even the strongest.)

So... I don't know that I'm even capable of describing what it is
that's different in me. Perhaps I could, with enough understanding of
the qualia of the process of why other people get angry. Dunno.

- Sai