[Noisebridge-discuss] Sex Unconference

Meredith L. Patterson mlp at thesmartpolitenerd.com
Mon Oct 26 05:24:07 UTC 2009


Jason Damisch wrote:
> Calling me a motherfucker does not make me feel any less uneasy 
> about kink.  It does nothing to ease my concerns that this 
> civilization is aggressive, and that aggressiveness is reflected
> in everything which it touches, including sexuality. 

Is your unease rooted in your perception of kink as aggressive?

I can see where that perception comes from, but I submit (har!) that the 
boundaries (oh, boy, I'm full of entendre tonight!) of kink go far 
beyond the typical perception of physical violence and 
dominance/submission play. Sensation play, food play, teledildonics, 
role-playing, and pretty much any kind of object fetishism are just the 
first few things that come to mind when I think of practices usually 
described as kinky which often don't involve any behaviour which could 
be characterised as aggressive.

I say "often" because really any type of behaviour, sexual or 
non-sexual, *can* have an aggressive tone to it. This includes plain ol' 
vanilla sex. In practice, though, at least in my experience and that of 
pretty much every other kinkster I know, behaviour which may on the 
surface appear aggressive actually serves as a means to the end of 
greater psychological intimacy.

Maymay has mentioned that KinkForAll is a discussion and learning event, 
not a play event/sex party/&c. In that light, I suggest that you might 
find it usefully educational to meet and talk with kinky people in a 
non-sexually-charged setting and learn more about what motivates them. I 
think you will find that inherently aggressive natures aren't it.

Cheers,
--mlp



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