[Noisebridge-discuss] Be Excellent to one another

Al Billings albill at openbuddha.com
Thu Oct 29 15:46:55 UTC 2009


On Oct 29, 2009, at 6:56 AM, Meredith L. Patterson wrote:

> Al Billings wrote:
>> I think you're projecting a bit, maybe due to oversensitivity.
>
> Al, your privilege is showing, you might wanna go fix that.

  Oh, you can fix privilege? All this time, I've been told that I  
can't fix it and that I just have it. Do tell how white, male,  
heterosexuals can "fix" their privilege.

  People should be trying to build allies, not pointing fingers, if  
they think that mainstream culture is out to get them.

>> Some of us think there is a difference between a particular person   
>> being thinskinned about the word "bro" given with no intention of  
>> harm
>
> To you, Miah's being thinskinned. To Miah, it hurts. Which one of  
> you is right? Maybe both of you, but the fact of the matter is that  
> someone still found it hurtful.

  I could find that hot dogs exist to be hurtful and get worked up  
about it. Is it then the problem of the hot dog factory owner? No,  
it's my problem and my issue.

  People take responsibility for their own reactions to things and how  
they live in the world. If something makes me upset, it is on me to  
deal with it, not try to force the world to conform to my feelings.  
Raise awareness? Perhaps. Demanding an apology because someone used  
"bro" in a non-offensive way on an e-mail list? That seems unlikely to  
have real effects. The level of hyperbole (with comments from certain  
persons about being just whiney trans or like whiney woman) is already  
great enough here. This got escalated way too quickly and for no good  
reason because people seem more interested in playing victim than in  
actually understanding what went through the heads of the *assumed*  
offenders (while, at the same time, demanding others understand their  
own point of view absolutely).

> IME/O, the compassionate response to "I find it hurtful when someone  
> calls me 'bro'" is "I'm sorry for calling you something that hurt  
> you, and won't do it in the future." That's it. Acknowledge their  
> personhood and the validity of their feelings, apologise for your  
> error (it's the same kind of "I'm sorry" as "I'm sorry for leaving  
> my cat-hair-covered sweater on your backpack" to a person you didn't  
> know was allergic), and avoid making the error from then on.

  I'm not going to apologize to someone because they cloak themselves  
in the mantle of victimhood and say people hurt them with innocuous  
things. That's on them, not on others.

  It isn't compassionate to enable people in dysfunctional behavior.  
It's just coddling. We're adults here, let's act like it and quit  
being so reactive when someone does something with no intent of harm.

  Al





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