[Noisebridge-discuss] Blade Runner: Noisebridge Halloween Cyberpunk SFZero Thing, Saturday Oct 31 19:00

[Glen Jarvis]

On Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 1:11 PM, Jeffrey Malone <ieatlint at tehinterweb.com>wrote:

> No, that would be gay.


I'm going to try to practice being excellent and do the best that I can to
be so. If I falter in this, I ask that my peers help me learn how to be even
more excellent in dealing with this. Regardless of how someone else
responds/acts, this does not justify any of my 'non excellent behavior.'

My attempt will be to show how this may be offensive. I will not ask you not
to do this again. And, I won't be overly dramatic about it. However,
hopefully, I can shed some light on how this might make a person feel.

We've recently seen someone get their feelings hurt by something that, I
think everyone agreed, was innocently said. The comment was "Bro'" referring
to the group that were both male and female, including transgendered
females.

Again, I honestly believe that comment was said innocently.

Tthe phrase "that's so gay" or this version "that would be gay" has strong
implications that probably aren't understood from people who say it.

My understanding, both as an individual, and as a gay man, is: When we hear
things negatively connotated to 'begin gay' it says very negative things
about 'being gay.' For example, "I hate that. That's so gay." Over time, we
start associated negative things to 'being gay' -- especially for young
people. As a substitute in middle school, I saw a surprisingly strong impact
that such a simple phrase had on young gay men (and probably women).

This is even more difficult for young people who are just coming to terms
with being gay. It adds an extra stumbling block to the process of accepting
oneself. Although I am not directly linking this statement to the young gay
suicide rate, please note that, because gay individuals are 'shunned' in
society, there is a much higher rate of suicide in young gay youth. Many
just have a difficult time believing they "could be that way" (i.e., such a
negative thing) and choose not to live.

So, I ask you, without censoring yourself... without crimping your style of
communication as much as possible, could you please be aware that that
particular phrase is known to be hurtful to many people. And, being hurtful,
intentional or not, is generally not considered excellent.

Hopefully I did that in an excellent manner. If not, I really *really*
apologize. My intent is not to curb how you speak, or point blame in any
way. I only wanted to make certain you knew that, for people I know
personally, constant repetition of that phrase has really caused harm.

All the best.... :)

Warmest Regards,


Glen Jarvis
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