[Noisebridge-discuss] FWD: Impressions upon visiting Noisebridge

[Mitch Altman]

Last night a friend of mine visited Noisebridge for the first time.  I thought I'd share her comments.  (Please see below.)
 
Cheers,
Mitch.
 
 
 
 
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TODAY, IN A HISTORY-MAKING COALITION, THE FBI, CIA, HOMELAND INSECURITY,  CORPORATION AND THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE HAVE CONFIRMED TOGETHER THAT THE ALIEN INVASION IS NOT A HOAX. 


THE ALIENS -- FIRST THOUGHT TO BE FROM EITHER LICHTENSTEIN OR DOWNTOWN GUADALAJARA (THE SPECIAL BI-PARTISAN ANTI-INTELLIGENCE CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE FORMED TO  INVESTIGATE NOT BEING ABLE TO DETERMINE THE SOURCE PRECISELY DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE 14,523-PAGE REPORT HAD NOT BEEN READ BY ANY OF ITS MEMBERS) -- WERE CONFIRMED BY RELIABLE OBSERVERS (CARRYING MYSTERIOUS KEYCHAINS WHICH EFFECTIVELY BLOCKED THE CLOUDS THAT COVERED THE MINDS OF THE MAJORITY OF HUMANS WATCHING TELEVISION AT THE TIME), TO BE QUITE CLEARLY FROM OUTER SPACE. 


 IT IS ALLEGED THAT THE ALIENS WERE SIGNALED DOWN TO EARTH BY OVER 3,000 BLINKY ROBOT PINS EMANATING FROM STRATEGIC LOCATIONS IN THE NORTHERN CALIFORNIA AREA ONCE KNOWN AS SILICON VALLEY. 


 EARLY RESULTS FROM THE GOVERNMENT DECODER/SHREDDER TRANSLATED THE ALIEN DIRECTIONS TO ITS DESTINATION AS "FOLLOW THE NOISY (OR NOSY?) BITCH ON MISSION" WHICH LED THE PENTAGON TO CONCLUDE THAT THE INVASION FORCE WAS SEQUESTERED BY A NOISY (OR NOSY) WOMAN IN A PRIMARILY SPANISH-SPEAKING NEIGHBORHOOD IN SAN FRANCISCO (WHICH AT FIRST APPEARED TO CONFIRM THE "GUADALAJARA" THEORY),    TO TRACK THE INVADERS TO THEIR HIDING PLACE,  A MISSION-MISSION WAS UNDERTAKEN BY THE  MAIRMY (THE NEW COMBO MARINE CORPS-ARMY-AIR FORCE, WHICH IS ALL THAT IS LEFT OF THE US ARMED FORCES AFTER THE QUEERS OPTED OUT -- EXCEPT FOR THE NAVY, WHICH ISN'T SURE WHO IS WHAT ANYWAY).  


HEAVILY ARMED WITH THE LATEST IN WALMART WEAPONRY AND LED BY LINGUISTS FROM BARTHELONA (NONE OF WHOM COULD STHPEAK THE LOCAL LANGUAGE), THE MAIRMY SQUADRONS BARRICADED THEMSELVES IN FRONT OF  A BUILDING BETWEEN 17TH AND 18TH STREETS RUMORED TO SHOW MYSTERIOUS ACTIVITY AT ALL TIMES OF DAY AND NIGHT.  THIS WAS PROVEN TO BE A FUTILE EXERCISE AFTER THREE SCOUTS ENTERED THE SINGLE GATED ROOM OPPOSITE THE ENTRANCE AND FOUND IT SWEPT CLEAN TO THE BARE WOOD FLOOR.  UNDAUNTED, THEY THEN ATTEMPTED TO EXIT THE OTHER SIDE WHICH LED THEM TO ANOTHER GATE AND DOOR, BEHIND WHICH LAY A WALL THAT HAD OBVIOUSLY BEEN THERE SINCE THE DAY DOT (OR 1933, WHICHEVER CAME FIRST). TURNING TO FLEE, THE MEN FOUND THEIR HANDS BOOBYTRAPPED BY THE GATE, RESULTING IN  THREE-TO-FOUR FINGER-SQUASHINGS APIECE AND MUCH GNASHING OF HELMET STRAPS.  


ON EMERGING FROM THE OBVIOUSLY LONG-ABANDONED BUILDING, THE SCOUTS BARELY MISSED BEING RUN OVER BY A NUMBER 14 BUS WHEN THE VEHICLE JUMPED THE CURB AND ROLLED OVER THE PLACE THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN STANDING IF THEY HADN'T BEEN ROLLING ON THE GROUND SUCKING THEIR FINGERS.  NO ONE WAS INJURED ON THE BUS EITHER BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ONE ON THE BUS AT THE TIME. [SEE SIDEBAR, PAGE 17]


AFTER THE MISSION-MISSION WAS SCRAPPED, A SECOND LOOK AT THE DECODER RESULTS WERE INTERPRETED AS SAYING "NO SEE A PIDGE ON A MISSION."  IT IS NOW THEORIZED THAT THE ALIENS HAVE MISTAKENLY ARRIVED ON EARTH DURING A RAPTURE IN WHICH THEY EXPECT TO SPEND ETERNITY IN A PEACEFUL, CLEAN ENVIRONMENT WITHOUT ANY URBAN BIRDS. 


THE DANGER TO HUMANS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THEY FIND OUT WHERE THEIR OBSESSIVE FAITH HATH BROUGHT THEM.


THE NAVY IS ON CALL.








Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain. ~Arthur Weasley


 		 	   		  
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