[Noisebridge-discuss] New furniture

[rachel lyra hospodar]

Maybe you will all love this, as I will now make an example of my own
cognitive fallacies, instead of someone else's.

I make a habit of rereading my emails, both before and after I send them. I
just reread my exchange with josh and while I called him out for
challenging my statements rather than querying them, in rereading his email
I see that I may have been reading some of that challenge into it. The
wording is, in fact, a query. How much of that set of my assumptions come
from my knowledge of josh and past interactions with him? How much is
rooted in other experiences I have had?  In this case especially I am not
really sure.

We are a sort of organic computer that constructs algorithms based on data
of interactions. If everyone bases their reactions to each other on past
experiences then there is some necessary noise in the system. How can we
reduce the amount of times this impacts us? Through personal effort, for
ourselves, but what about for all those crazy feminist bitches who flip out
every time you interrupt them?

How do you deal with the ways that people act and react, especially when
they are different than what you might be wanting?

I deal with it by trying to imagine what their motivations are, and what
other contexts might exist in their life that would influence our
interactions. I know I am not required to care about this stuff, about
anyone else's hard life or oppression or drama.

I have found that this effort of trying to imagine, understand, and grok
the motivations of others helps me to do so. Huh. This, in turn, makes it
easier to have interactions with others that I enjoy.

Sometimes I accurately ascribe other people's motivations or impulses.
Sometimes I make false conclusions based on my own preconceptions or
situation. That is true for EVERY aspect of science. One thing I like about
the metacognitive-neurolinguistic-social-interaction field of study is that
it begins by acknowledging this.
On Dec 3, 2012 11:26 AM, "rachel lyra hospodar" <rachelyra at gmail.com> wrote:

> He said 'please help find a new couch'
>
> To me this indicates that he believes my delivery of information comes
> along with some sort of obligation in getting involved in solving his
> problem. When I say 'his problem' I mean 'the fact of the couches being
> run-down, presented in his previous email as assumptive evidence of their
> obsolesence' which is not a statement of fact, even though it is presented
> as such.  When I share some data relevant to a project you are working on,
> does that obligate me to also roll my sleeves up and help you revamp your
> project to accomodate that data?
>
> I am a social interaction research scientist. You, josh, are less adept at
> social interaction (and the study thereof) than I am.
>
> The fact that you challenge my statement regarding this area of my far
> greater expertise, rather than submitting a query seeking clarification of
> your poor understanding
>
> Is a great example of the type of arrogant assumption of knowledge, along
> with socially normalized dismissals, that typify 'mansplain' and the
> general dude-idiot behavior that people are always talking about.  You
> know, on the internet?
>
> R.
> On Dec 3, 2012 11:11 AM, "Josh Juran" <jjuran at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> On Dec 3, 2012, at 9:00 AM, rachel lyra hospodar wrote:
>>
>>  If you think those couches are too busted then feel free to replace them
>>> or
>>> advocate for their removal. My goal here is not to help you change
>>> noisebridge to your wishes, but to share factual history about why things
>>> are the way they are.
>>>
>>> Just because they are raggedy doesn't make the accessibility issue
>>> someone
>>> else's problem.  It's just you deciding that.
>>>
>>
>> I'm wondering which of Dan's statements supports the conclusion that he's
>> decided that the accessibility issue is someone else's problem.  His
>> original message indicates that he was unaware of the issue, and after your
>> input, he assured that he wouldn't reduce the supply of couches.
>>
>> Josh
>>
>>
>>
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