[Noisebridge-discuss] I have the facts

[John Menerick]

:)

On Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 10:27 PM, Tony Longshanks LeTigre
<anthonyletigre at gmail.com> wrote:
> On Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 10:03 AM, John Menerick <ponies at mayhemiclabs.com>
> wrote:
>>
>> Indeed.  Even more die from improper mercury spill cleanups.
>
>
> I see where you're going with this.
> You're right, I shouldn't worry about falling into a rift caused by an
> earthquake, because.....
>
> More people are kidnapped by sasquatch and forced into lifelong slavery each
> year than fall into rifts caused by an earthquake
>
> More people are gored to death by rabid unicorns each year than "          "
>
> More people are mauled and eaten by Teddy Bears each year "                "
>
> More people die of embarrassment after Fatal Wardrobe Malfunctions each year
>
> More people die because God Called Them Away And They're in Heaven Now with
> Grandma and Grandpa and Jesus Watching Over Us each year
>
> More people die and that's it, they're just dead: no God, no afterlife, none
> of that religious gobbledygook each year
>
> More people melt as a result of Global Warming - sorry, we meant Climate
> Change - each year
>
> More people explode and die of massive hemorrhaging after their ego grows
> too large for their body to contain
>
> More people are raped and dismembered by Ewoks each year
>
> More people are bludgeoned to death with Marshmallows each year
>
> More people are taken out back and shot as The Only Humane Way to End Their
> Suffering each year
>
> More people die from injuries after being mistaken for paparazzi and
> violently attacked by Bjork each year
>
> More people die of amazement after suddenly discovering The Missing Link
> each year
>
> More people die of exhaustion while trying to solve impossible algorithms
> each year
>
> More people die of despair while trying to disprove (or prove) evolution
> each year
>
> More people die of boredom while waiting in line to contest a bullshit
> traffic infraction at the Hall of Justice
>
> More people die of Old Age while waiting for Bank of America (WTF?) to
> disburse their Unemployment Insurance money
>
> More people nearly die of blood loss after having their penis cut off by
> Lorena Bobbitt, but recover and eventually become porn stars each year
>
> More people perish in Transporter Beam malfunctions each year
>
> More people die after falling from Open-Source Software Platforms and
> hitting their head on Proprietary Software each year
>
> More people are hacked to death by Computer Security Experts each year
>
> More people are crushed by falling stars each year
>
> More people drown in their sorrows and are only identified when their
> bloated corpse washes ashore five days later each year
>
> More people die from injecting Maybelline Luscious Magenta liquid eyeliner
> each year
>
> More people are oppressed to death by the One Percent each year
>
> More people are consumed by carnivorous plants each year
>
> More people succumb to Godzilla's Radioactive Breath each year
>
> More people perish beneath the wheels of Stephen Hawking's wheelchair each
> year
>
> More people are sent to the Electric Chair by Activist Judges each year
>
> More people die of shock after winning the $54 Million Lottery each year
>
> More people die for Reasons We Will Not Know Until We Receive the Toxicology
> Report back from the Lab Next Week each year
>
> More people die just because it's What Everyone Else is Doing and They Just
> Want to Fit In each year
>
> More people opt for death out of curiosity about Whether There's an
> Afterlife each year
>
> More people commit suicide because they believe in reincarnation and are
> pretty sure the next round will be better each year
>
> More people die after boarding an elevator and accidentally pressing the
> Self-Destruct Button instead of Up, which is right next to it, each year
>
>
>