[Noisebridge-discuss] A sad sad day in the mission

[Cliff Sullivan]

Hello Noisebridge Discuss! This is Cliff and this so happens to be my 1st
time posting to the NB discuss list.  I wish I was coming to tell you all
of glorious adventures from the Nightwatch and about epic projects being
completed like a boss.  No ladies and gents, it is a sad sad morning here
in the ol' Mission.  While Frank Zappa Jr. and I mercifully fought off
fatigue and sleep this morning in order to diligently and painstakingly
clean the space for today's final day of the Hackerathon, we came across a
sight so appalling that Frank Zappa Jr. has been huddled in a corner
sitting indian style, mumbling chants, and praying with his Rosary Beads in
order to save all of your souls from a crime so appalling my hands tremble
as I type this VERY message.  As I was sorting through the mountains of
recycling from last nights soiree, I came across at first glance to an
empty 12 pack of Corona.  I picked the box up, "Hmm feels a bit heavy for
an empty 12 pack" I naively thought to myself--only to be downright
horrified and sick as a dog that's eaten a whole pan of Ganja Brownies when
I pulled back the Corona's cardboard lid and discovered 2 FULL BOTTLES of
angelically pristine high quality watered down Corona Extra.  I immediately
felt sick to my stomach at this dastardly sight and puked a little bit into
Frank Zappa Jr.'s mouth (He's gotta baby bird fetish, deal with it).

I then went into shock and wondered who would commit such a brazen and open
and shut case of alcohol abuse.  Did this person even begin to understand
that this sweet nectar of the gods had made a long and tiresome journey
across Mexico on the back of underfed burros led by poor indigenous farmers
so that you may kick back and enjoy a tasty beverage while trolling
Leaderfags and whitenighting in "Rate Me Threads" on /B? D.I.A.F! (sorta
kidding, but NO, not really).

Where I come from (PBR & Miller High Life Country) acts of alcohol abuse
are instantly met with severe repercussions of social group banishment and
spending the next 20 years in Grandma's basement watching the New Hit
Series "Girl Meets Boy" starring jawdropping vixen of the screen Topenga
and Fred Savage's Brother while hashing out a miserable existence crying,
masturbating, crying, masturbating, and crying.

Frank Zappa Jr. and I have decided that this heinous atrocity has corrupted
and tarnished the core values of this hackerspace making consensus defacto
on the grounds that:

1. You are NOT being EXCELLENT to the indigent and alcohol famished
co-inhabitants of the space.

2. You are NOT being EXCELLENT to Corona Corporation and thousands of poor
indigenous worker-beer alchegicians (alchemist+magicians, I make new words,
deal    with it)

Frank Zappa Jr. and I believe the consensus process is unquestionably
corrupted and whereby called an emergency G.A. to decide on proper
punishment. After a deep meditation in the spirit cave, an inner endless
river of compassion overwhelmed the soul, leading to a conscious decision
against banishment and double castration-- the normal protocol for
punishment for the crime of ALCOHOL ABUSE.

Whereby we've privately reached consensus that the punishment be as follows:

1. The back classroom for the next week will be transformed into a giant
waterbed and film screening room in solidarity with SleepBridge - A Place
to Sleep also in association with my current guerrilla film viewing project
"Cinema Chop Sooey".

2.  Three adult calico/orange tabby master mouser killa kittehs will be
adopted, THE TEAM ASSEMBLED.  A sky cam stretching from one end of N.B. to
the other will be assembled. We will use this and Kitty Cams on popped
collars to begin filming a new wave of documentary shorts under the working
title "Indifferent Nature."  MAYHEM, Mutilated Mouses, and kittehs
murdering faster than cheetahs test driving Ferraris high on speed.  There
will be TONS of BLOOD and sleeping (Srsly, they're gonna sleep like 20
hours/day, LUCKY).

Goodluck and quit wasting perfectly good beer!!

Cheers!
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